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Eurail travel - a way to extend a holiday to Europe
You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. You can edit it to fit your publication. Most articles are improved by editing. If you can let me know when and where it...
International Travel and Health Insurance
Embarking on Your Dream Vacation Are your Plans Complete? Your bags are packed, passport and papers in order and you couldn’t be in a higher state of excitement preparing for travel to that wonderful, exotic location. This is the vacation you have...
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RoomSaver.com Releases Survey Results Profiling Travelers’ Reservation Habits February 16, 2004, Norfolk, Va. – RoomSaver.com, the Web’s most comprehensive source for hotel discounts and a division of Trader Publishing Company, today announced that...
Travel - Dealing With Jet Lag
How to Get Jetlag-free Travel
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Travel Tips: Preparing For A Vacation In Africa
There are many new and exciting things to see in Africa. There is no way anyone could possibly see everything there is to see in one trip. This is why travelers need to decide exactly what they want to see before taking their trip so they can book...
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A TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD...
(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.
“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.
Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?
If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.”
As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception… the welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy … Home to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!”
“IT” is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun.
Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!
Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but don’t be deceived. In reality, they’re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don’t play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer -- and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!
To put "IT" bluntly, life on “IT” is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- ”IT” is about as fun as bag of toads!
Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called “IT” in a galaxy named “Have-a-Nice-Day”!!
__________
*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of anything left over".
If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.
About the Author
Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com
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