Search
Recommended Products
Related Links


 

 

Informative Articles

Do Your Homework Before Traveling
When planning a trip, it is advisable to spend some time doing research even if you are booking through a Travel Agent. This research could save you a significant amount of money and perhaps prevent a miserable stay in a sub-standard hotel. Many...

Travel costs are up, but some companies are giving business.
The momentum in travel recovery that began last year is continuing, and Americans are traveling in record numbers. That's great news for the travel industry, but not for companies trying to control travel costs-higher demand means...

Travel Insurance Bargains for Brits
If you're traveling in the UK, or a UK citizen traveling elsewhere, you have many options including full year travel insurance. While the occasional traveler such as a vacationer may not find full year travel insurance preferable to the one-trip...

Travel To Russia - Vladivostok, Russian "Lord of the East"
To many world-wide travelers seeking adventure, the Russian Far East is a very desirable place to visit, and of course if you are going to visit this region, you do not want to miss seeing the famous sea port, Vladivostok. Vladivostok, meaning...

Travelling To Spain - The Spanish Regional Travel Guide
Up to 60 million visitors travel to Spain every year to delight in the country’s 315 sunny days and its rich and diverse history and culture. As a result the Spanish government spend millions of Euros per year on the travel and transport...

 
A TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD...

(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.

Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.

“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.

Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?

If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.”

As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception… the welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy … Home to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!”

“IT” is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun.


Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!

Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but don’t be deceived. In reality, they’re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don’t play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer -- and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!

To put "IT" bluntly, life on “IT” is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- ”IT” is about as fun as bag of toads!

Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called “IT” in a galaxy named “Have-a-Nice-Day”!!

__________

*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of anything left over".

If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.

About the Author

Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com