Search
Recommended Products
Related Links


 

 

Informative Articles

8 things not to forget when traveling to the tropics
Copyright 2005 Dave Markel Sometimes it is hard to pack for a place or climate that is new. When packing to go to the tropics there are some items that you don't want to forget. 1. Appropriate Identification: With tighter security these days it...

Health Tips for Travellers
Travelling in Canada Each year, over one million visitors come to Canada to explore this vast land. From cosmopolitan cities to majestic mountain ranges, Canada's landscape is as diverse as its people. Travel, whether abroad or in one's own...

Nip/Tuck & Travel
Looking for an extreme makeover or just a little Nip/Tuck? Are you aware of the growing trend of medical tourism? If not, consider this, have the vacation adventure of a lifetime in an exotic country, with sun, sea and pristine white beaches. Your...

Travelers Checks Versus Debit Cards
My first time overseas, I had to exchange cash in $200 of travelers checks to pay a mountaineering guide who hadn't heard of American Express. The bank charged me $8. During the same trip, I used my debit card at an ATM to get $200 from my checking...

Want To Start Your Own Business In 2006? Get Into The Travel Industry
While the economy has been good to some people, it has been less than stellar for others. Many people are feeling squeezed between high energy prices and jobs that are always cutting back. NOW may be exactly the right time to start your own...

 
A TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD...

(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.

Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.

“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.

Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?

If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.”

As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception… the welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy … Home to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!”

“IT” is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun.


Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!

Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but don’t be deceived. In reality, they’re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don’t play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer -- and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!

To put "IT" bluntly, life on “IT” is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- ”IT” is about as fun as bag of toads!

Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called “IT” in a galaxy named “Have-a-Nice-Day”!!

__________

*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of anything left over".

If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.

About the Author

Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com